Category: Journal

Days like today, days when my life feels so full and so ripe with possibility, days like today I am so fucking glad that I didn’t jump in front of that train. At those darkest moments, when everything hurt and I felt so worthless, when it felt like the pain and shame was all I […]

Hello darling, Thank you for stepping inside to see me, thank you for taking the time. Yes, that room has always been there, no, you’re not the first to take a peek, but you walked right in and started looking around with interest. I become the absurdly servile hostess, so grateful for the company that […]

At some point almost every night, my giant, emotional, weighty puffball of a cat will make a little whirring beep sound at me which is her request that I lift the blankets and allow her onto my chest. Almost always, I acquiesce and, purring loudly, she climbs aboard, crushing my boobs until she is comfortably […]

The other night I had a dream where I pity fucked an awkward, unattractive man from Instagram who then proceeded to stalk me through a jungle. We wound up in a KFC together where I ordered a fish burger which he fucked into my cunt. He then lifted me into a curled up ball in […]

Ours is not a conventional marriage, if it were it never would have lasted, never would have happened in the first place, I’m too weird, you’re too weird, we don’t easily fit into standard shapes. But we’ve been together over 10 years now and married for almost 5 and over this time I’ve only fallen […]

Tonight I am wallowing in a psychological rut. Letting go is so much easier when you’re moving forward, it’s this reality of my physicality that forces me to be still until the pain decreases. If the pain decreases. God it takes so long and the surgery has caused new issues that at least are not […]

Unfolding. I am unfurling. The look in your eyes tells me that can I continue to do so, that you approve, that I am safe. Your words are enthusiastic consent for me to keep on going with this showing of myself to yourself. You tell me I am beautiful and brave. The second compliment means […]

My name is Jessie and I am a slut. I own this identity so that it cannot be thrown against me as a weapon, though of course it still will. I own this identity because it feels like a bold sort of defiance, a refusal to sit down, to be quiet and to close my […]

“I just don’t want people to think of you as that cripple girl.” A lover said to me as we lay in bed together, he was questioning why I regularly wrote on social media about my experiences with my thoracic outlet syndrome. Later in our relationship, he begun to accuse me of whingeing and playing […]

(Last year, the wind spraying my face with water from the cold pacific ocean and inspired by one of my favourite songs, Asido by Purity Ring, I wrote a song in my head which is something I often do, even though I don’t know how to make music and have no particular talent for it. […]