The RSI struggles won't go on perpetually and I have been making plans for my artistic career over the next couple of years. I've come to the realisation that I really need to start being more professional about my practice and really start aiming higher. I'd like to reach 30 (only a few years away now!) and feel I've achieved something I can really be proud of. I believe I can do that. I think. Maybe. 

I'm still loving my new tablet and improve with it constantly. Here's a drawing I did the other day to practice my linework and in the process, came up with a character I kind of like. Click on the thumbnail for a larger version. 

Sometimes, when Wes is needing some inspiration, I'll draw him a character and he'll write a story to it (that's how Gentleman Bird came to be, for example) I'm hoping maybe he can find a story for this one. I like the idea of using semi-conventional styles and characters but then writing stories for them which go into entirely unexpected places. Though our comics are currently short, fun little things we have long term goals for them to become reallly relevant and hopefully go into places others have not. 

I've actually been trying my hand at writing on and off as there are a lot of issues I'd like to tackle with our comics - my feminism, gender stuff, atheism and so forth. However, I'm finding it challenging and am developing an increasing admiration for people with the talent to write stories... I feel like I have a lot of ideas but haven't quite figured out how to pull them off. We'll see how things go.

See, despite having gone through University where the head of the school told me in a group critique of my very first film that he'd have walked away from it halfway through, despite being told my work seemed "one dimensional" and only for "shock value", I still crumple internally at negative comments.

I want to make one distinction here, when I speak of "negative feedback" I am specifically referring to the kind of criticisms that are only negative, mean spirited and destructive, not constructive criticism which I thrive off and crave.

Thing is, I make art because I love it, because I get anxious and depressed when I'm not doing it, because it gives me a sense of purpose and achievement in my life life. However, despite loving making art, I have an almost constant internal monologue that goes something like this:

"You're not good enough! You're wasting your time! You're wasting your money! You'll never match up to truly talented artists! You haven't improved in years! You're a disappointment to everyone! YousuckyousuckIhateyouIhateyouetcetc" ad infinitum.

So when I do get a negative comment, it's basically confirming my own fears and insecurities and while I will always move on and make more work, it does still sting. The sting doesn’t last nearly as long as it did when I first started calling myself an artist... but it's there. I'm not going to pretend it's not.

Another reason negative feedback affects me so deeply is because it often strikes at my weaknesses. For example, the criticism of the foetus comic hurt because I am new to comic making, because I'm still learning and while I eventually want to make comics that are amazing, I am allowing myself to do things that I know are a bit silly. As for it being "outlandish"? I'm not actually interested in pure shock value, however I have always been drawn to ideas of the abject, deviant and social taboos because of what they say about society... it's just I’m still figuring out how to express these interests. So I might not always be great at it. Sometimes, I will fail. Often I will fail. That's ok.

Another reason the criticism hurts is because art making is so closely tied up in my own identity, is so personal for me, that when someone tells me they hate my art, they're essentially saying that they hate me. At least that'd how it can feel.

I want to develop a thicker skin and I want to learn how to brush these negative comments off, so I have developed some strategies:

1. Don't respond to the person who criticises me immediately, as my response is bound to be emotional and I will later regret it. Take time to figure out if what they're saying has any merit and if it doesn't...respond calmly and maturely or not at all.

2. If the negative criticism hurts and is bringing me down more than it should, seek the encouragement of friends. I did a post of Facebook about the foetus comic and within minutes, I had a bunch of friends chiming in with their support and encouragement. That felt wonderful and picked me back up again somewhat (I always take a little while to recover, like I said I have ridiculously thin skin). Friends are invaluable.

3. Keep making art and when the negative thoughts start creeping in, make an effort to remind myself that I HAVE improved over the last several years, that I do the best I can, that I do this because I love it and that there are people who appreciate my art out there, even if there’s not that many of them just yet. Also, while making art, turn my music up loud or listen to Radiolab, Ted Talks and Dan Savage's podcast for intelligent, mind occupying distractions from my own silly thoughts.

4. Take negative feedback as a sign of success! My partner does this and I kind of like this approach. If when people are viewing your art, they experience emotions that are so negative that they have to share them... well, at least your art has affected them in some way!

5. Write about it. At the start of this journal entry I was feeling upset and down on myself, now I'm feeling empowered and inspired! Hooray for processing shit!

6. Remember that even if there is a grain of truth in the negative feedback, that it is not the entire picture. No art is perfect and sometimes we have to make truly awful art to learn, that doesn't mean we suck, it just means we're human.

7. Art is subjective! Just because one person, or even one thousand people, don't like your art... that actually means sweet fuck all. There will be people who like your art and they're the ones who should matter to you. 

Does anyone have any strategies of their own? I’d love to hear them.  

I think I'm getting the hang of ArtRage.  Done this evening.

Dumb Arts

Art can't be funny or silly because art is serious business, right? What? Why?

Ok, whatever, let's accept that premise for just a second. Nobel prize winning writer Toni Morrison said that "laughter is more serious than tears" and Academy award winning actor Peter Ustinov said "Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious". You guys, they won awards, they would know.

I totally agree with those award winning people. Furthermore, I believe that humour is a powerful, subversive tool which has been used in intelligent and exciting ways by artists such as Matthew Barney, Marina Abramović and David Shrigley. Laughter can be used to totally disarm people and shake their preconceptions. As award winning film director, Mel Brooks, said "Humor is but another weapon against the universe." Sweeeet!

Thing is, though, I believe that to be truly funny you can't take yourself too seriously and you can't be afraid of looking like a fool. I think us artists are really bloody scared of looking like idiots but I think that if we're ever going to be any good, we have to overcome that fear. As Ethel Barrymore said "You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself." Onya, Ethel, whoever you are!

So here's my idea; we make art where we deliberately set out to embarrass ourselves. Maybe it won't even be funny, maybe it will be so damn stupid, so ridiculously dumb that we create awkward silences and people look away uncomfortably. Maybe this art is in the form of stupid drawings of your dog's butt, maybe it's Polaroid photos of yourself rolling around covered in scrambled eggs, maybe it's a performance piece where you just stand in the middle of the room and make fart noises – I don't know. That's up to you. I just want to have a whole lot of really stupid, funny, fun, dumb art to show at Saint One20.

"For their audience knows that to laugh is to be liberated. And to imagine something other than the "given" and the officially approved is to be free" ~ Matt Dukes Jordan

Who's with me? My Mum thinks it's a cool idea! Eh? Ehhhh?

If you want to make dumb art for Saint One20's upcoming party, Dumb Arts, on the 2nd of July, please email me ASAP at jngaio@gmail.com or Leon Hakwer on facebook or email him at leon@saintonetwnety.com with "Dumb Arts" in the title. I'm open to most any medium, so long as it will fit in or on the house!

P.S.  International entries are welcome, I don't think you'll have time to mail anything but if you want to send me something I can print off (though I can only afford cheap prints unless you're willing to paypal me the cost) or perhaps a film that can be played, that is totally welcome! 

I'm stuck at home with a cold and laryngitis so I decided to invest in Artrage Studio Pro because it's cheap and awesome. This is my first play, click the image for a fullsize view. 

I've still got a long way to go so far as my comic making skills are concerned but I'm definitely getting a feel for this and so maybe oneday I'll actually be good at it! Ayyyy!